Daily Report
November 2011 Monday 21st The game began earlier than usual, with an initial, modest turnout. The reason for the early start was the number of players who were free before the match was due to begin, allowing them to eat their lunch early. The game began slowly, with minimal excitment initially, due to the low number of players. Amongst these players was a first-time rookie, Charlie Godfrey. Within ten minutes, the game took a highly unexpected turn, with the much anticipated return of David Wells. The benefits gained from his intensive training are yet to be seen. The game continued as usual, with a couple of highlights, notably great saves from both Ed "The Experience" Walton and Jon "Jelli" Ellis. The team welcomed two new players, Max Bower and Chris Harvey, and rookie Will Straughn returned, with the board now discussing promotion. The game ended with much excitement, as it was seemingly inevitable that all time worst infielder Jack "Rookie" Barnard would be in at the bell, however a foolish kick by newcomer Max Bower, meant he was in. He responded rapidly, with a header over James "Judge' Gallagher, who, with seconds remaining, tipped it over the head of Julian "Casual-One" Moses, both securing his safety, and leaving some wondering if the "Casual-Ones" position at the top of the leaderboard is truly desevered, bearing in mind "Judge" Gallagher is the 2nd bottom infielder. This final relsult left Moses to take hits from Sam Tresadern, Josh French, Chris Harvey, Will Vinter and Will Straughan. However after much build up, only Sam Tresadern was able to actually hit Julian "Casual One" Moses. November 22nd The game began with good weather good conditions and a moderately sized circle. A noteable absence was felt as star player, Luke 'Grunt' Shakerchi, was nowhere to be seen and this was reflected as many seats were left empty. Max Bower returned for his second game and there is talk of him losing his 'newcomer' status, however previous 'newcomers' Charlie Godfrey and Chris Harvey were reported to have gone to the gym instead (no sighting of David Wells though). The game itself started relatively slowly, with the first excitement coming when Laurie 'Hilders' Harmworth viciously attacked a helpless Jethro 'MM' Yeung and a new rivalry possibly may have been formed after Yeung successfully got 'Hilders' into the infield following his aggressive confrontation. The highlight of the game came when star player Luke 'Grunt' Shakerchi finally made his grand appearence to rounds of applause and crowds fought to fill the remaining seats. Ed 'The Experience' Walton also joined the game after a near 'phone incident' before entering the circle. After the warning bell was rung, tension built in the circle as it looked possible that Josh French may have had to face the punishment as James 'Judge' Gallagher did his best to waste time by falling over whilst collecting the ball. Yet this dreamed of situation was not to happen as French cleared 'MM' just before the final bell. Jethro 'MM' Yeung took two out of five hits allowing the Keeper of the Ball, Julian 'Casual-One' Moses to quickly collect the ball and end the day's action after another rough outing for himself. N.B. Laurie 'Hilders' Harmsworth and Jor-el 'Baj' Bajwa left early for the second day in a row in a possible attempt to avoid 'The Bell', the board will discuss if a Perma Strike will be necessary in the following days. November 23rd The game was slow to start, with few players venturing to the designated area of play until after 1:30. Confirmed sightings of Joshua Meeking attempting to leave school early led to an obligation shared by fellow Header game combatents to do their utmost to prevent this "bunking off" allegedly due to fears of being "Meekinged" as punishment for apparently "shitting himself". This obligation was performed gallantly by several volunteers; the front line of defence was in the form of Julian Moses, whom coincadentally was scouted not 10 minutes before, and supported by various well established header game players. When faced with Joshua Meeking in his "slightly too camp for comfort" take on the classic mini cooper in "emo black"; The header game players stood stoic, ardently defending the school. However, when Joshua Meeking discovered that attempts were being made to prevent him fleeing another game of Header, he reacted not with humour as expected, but with "excessive revving of his tiny dick" and proceeded to drive straight and true in the direction of the defenders; at the break-neck speed of almost 17 miles per hour. After David Wells and James Gallagher were forced to leap out of the way of the oncoming vehicle, it was made clear that Joshua "Serbian Sledgehammer" Meeking had earned a new nickname, Joshua "just a cunt" Meeking, a decision that players are anxiously waiting for the boards input on. Despite the tense atmosphere following this scrape with death, and even with a relatively meagre turn out, the Header game was played with enthusiasm and great aptitude by most, with particularly memorable performances from Charlie Buck, Edward Walton, and of course Julian Moses. In a slightly expected turn of events, Laurie "Hilders" Harmsworth fled the games early yet again, insisting that he had "burst a blood vessel or sumthin" in his knee, witnesses are documented as describing the injuries as "just his knee" and commented on the supposed "puss" factor and its prominence in the young Hilders. November 28th On this occasion controversy was the name of the game, as the world renowned header game took many twists and turns left veteran players gasping for breath. In fact, the game took so many twists and turns that Henry 'Too good for Cambridge' Sawcyzc reportedly had to change his sports bra after "incessant lactation of the boob". The game started off as usual with the customary warm up round that we all so dearly love, in which many highly disputed literary topics were debated, the most surprising of all being the discovery that Gallagher's mom was the first school girl to wear trousers to school, closely followed by the revelation that Robbie "Ice Cold" Smart may have "got off" with Graham Vinter, a keen header game fan who apparently was overcome with the excitement of meeting his favourite player, leading to escalation of the anal degree. As the game progressed, it remained clear that Max Bower, all around rookie had been neglecting to attend his weekly training, and this really did shine through as the game meandered on and on. Underwhelming performances from the local celebrity Will Vinter left players with a sour taste in their mouths; questions were asked regarding his commitment to the game in the long term; and a Robbie Smart who wishes to remain anonymous is reported as describing Will's performance as "a bit zesty, but in a bad way", further information is being sought after. The game took a turn for the bent, bitchy and downright pathetic in a gay way in the awkward but camp form of Henry 'Too good for Cambridge', who not only flouted the strike rule after gingerly stroking the ball whilst muttering sweet nothings and grinning pervertedly, but also had the gumption to actually defy the rulings of the supreme, infallible board by denying a second strike as well; his defence being quoted as "no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no Dave you could have got that no no no no no no no no I'm going inside no no no." As a result, Henry 'Too good for Cambridge Sawcyzc' strut his stuff all the way into the common room, all the way sporting his clean sports bra and his "fagnolia" red socks, allegedly the color of the 'Busking Extremely Noisily During Enthusiastic Running', or BENDER for short, and as a result the board has been left with a tricky decision, of how best to deal with bitchiness of the highest calibre. As a precautiounary measure this publication has been copied and pasted into word, to prevent any flexing of the delete function so many of us possess on our keyboards, and the board has decreed that from this day forth, Henry 'Too good for Cambridge' Sawcyzc will, upon entering the circle, be given two perma strikes for crimes against non benders, resulting in a customary "remember this" before each round. This will be the case until the level of douchebagery has been reduced to a manageable level.